The Cheese


On any given day, there are a whole lot of things that are on my mind and could be termed "concerns" for me. Most days, I like to ignore them, because doing so allows me to live what I'd like to think is a more care-free life. The less responsibilities, the better. That doesn't make them go away, but I find that I can just take care of things as they come. What's the point in worrying about something? I'll deal with it when the time comes. It certainly makes me feel somewhat happier.

This morning, in the process of making my sack lunch, a new and strange thought came to me. I was making a cheese sandwich, and was opening a brand new pack of colby cheese. I love cheese, and when it comes to Colby, I love slicing it into thin strips and putting it on a sandwich. The thinner, the better, so that way I can pile what seems to be "more" cheese. It's really fun.

Back to the point. I had a brand new pack of colby cheese. For this particular brand, the cheese comes as a brick-shaped sort of half-moon. The packaging for it, however, is atrocious. First, you have to rip along the little dotted line that spans the length of the cheese, and then you can open the little zip-loc part. Here's what gets me: the zip-loc part also spans the length of the cheese. If you only open the package from that angle, the only way to get the cheese out is if you grab it whole brick and pull it out. I'm not about to do that, lest I spoil any of it before I get to eat it.

The really impractical thing is that if you don't yank it out, you can only inch the bag around it a little bit to slice it. And then you'd slice whole long strips spanning the length of the brick. This takes entirely too much effort, and being the perfectionist I am, I just know that if I tried to cut it this way, I'd screw it up.

It didn't take long for me to come up with the world's best solution to this problem. I simply used my brute strength to split apart one of the zip-lock ends, thus rendering it useless and enabling me to tear the bag from the side. Overjoyed at this success, I was able to slice the cheese properly. Yet another victory for me. And when I had finished, I placed the cheese, still in its disgraced packaging, into a real Zip-Loc bag. So much for the retail packaging scam saving me time and bags, I had to use one anyway.

I miss the old days of uncomplicated plastic wrapping around the deli cheese. Oh well. At least I still get my cheese.