Today it is time to offer tribute to what has become one of my absolute favorite inventions. This invention is a new idea based on an old concept. Only it's not so new. It's been out for some years now, but the more I use said invention, the more I love and appreciate it. And now, as I can no longer keep you in suspense, on the edge of your chair, itching to know what this marvel is, I will reveal it now...

FOAM SOAP

I know what you're thinking. Phil's lost it. How can soap be considered a worthy of such praise? It's soap! And hey, isn't an invention supposed to be a machine or something? I can't answer that question. But I can guess what the answer is. Anyway, you'll just have to hear me out.

The first time I used foam soap, I thought the liquid soap dispenser was empty. I figured all the air pushed in from people repeatedly pressing the handle had caused the bubbles. But my reasonable explanation was shattered when [gasp!] I encountered foam soap for the second time. I found myself fascinated, and once I realized what it was, I was like a kid in a candy store. I'm so easily amused.

One of the greatest things about foam soap is just that it feels so cool! I'm sorry, but liquid soap can't compare. Bar soap has a cool feel though, so it still gets points for that (and the fact that bar soaps can still be bought that are not anti-bacterial--but I'll save that rant for another blog). Foam soap, though, is amazing because it's soothing. I'd say it's kinda similar to lotion, in that sense, but it's not. Lotion makes your hands all slippery, and foam soap doesn't.

When I was a newbie foam soap user, I found myself doing the unspeakable: when washing my hands, I'd wash them once, and then I'd wash them again. What an incredible soap, to actually make you want to wash your hands. Thoughts ran into my head about how to get kids to wash hands without being too patronizing. I pictured something like a 50's television commercial:

Parent: "Ok Johnny, now that you're done, go wash up."

Johnny: "No!"

Parent: "Johnny, it's very important to maintain clean hygiene."

Johnny: "I don't want to! And what does 'hygiene' mean anyway?"

Parent: "That's not important right now. Just wash your hands."

Johnny: "No!"

Parent: [exasperated] "You can use foam soap..."

Johnny: "Really? Why didn't you just say so?"

Friendly deep male voice: "Foam soap. A better way to stay clean."

Aside from the obvious joy derived from using foam soap, it does have other benefits. With liquid soap, there's always this problem of the soap oozing out of the bottle and making a mess of the counter. Plus, it oozes off your hands when you use it, and half the soap you put on your hands falls off the second water is added to the equation. Foam soap has no ooze, and it remains on your hand. You could probably do the patented Dairy Queen Blizzard Upside-Down test, and the foam soap would stay on your hand. It really is amazing stuff.

So if you've never used foam soap before, you now know what you're missing. What do you think, would any foam soap company want to buy my ad?