Beware, for times right now are not as safe as they might seem. I know what you're thinking. There's all manner of violence and terrorism afoot. There's contrived schemes happening right under our very noses, while we're unaware. Missy suddenly and unexpectedly came down with something we hope isn't contagious. But these things pale in comparison to the other danger that is present.
I speak of a danger that knows no bounds, and that will stop at nothing until it has accomplished its task. Borders mean nothing to it, nor do closed doors. It transcends boundaries of age, young or old. And lastly, there is absolutely nothing you or I can do about it.
"But what could possibly do that?" you might find yourself asking. And I answer: "Something simple and powerful, brought into our homes each year by young girls going door to door, smiling sweetly, and asking the single most rhetorical question ever asked.........'Would you like to buy some Girl Scout Cookies?'"
At this point, you might be inclined to wonder why it is I refer to these as 'dangerous'. I suppose, when I think about it, that really, these cookies are an excellent way to bring about peace. You could stop a war by asking both sides if they'd like to take a break and have some Thin Mints, Trefoils, Do-Si-Dos, or perhaps even some Samoas. I'm confident that everyone would forget what they were fighting about and go for a cookie.
However, it is in our own homes that Girl Scout Cookies can prove deadly. For instance, if you have a family or roommates, who are aware that said cookies have been delivered, you may notice violent behavior completely out of character. Should you open a box, then open the plastic, everyone (and I mean everyone in the house will hear the sound of twisting plastic. Not only that, they will immediately know the exact source, and if you don't watch out, you might fight yourself beneath a dogpile of people who want cookies.
So if you want to avoid violence, and perhaps see some amusing or neat tricks in the process, I offer some suggestions:
1. Order the cookies when no one else is home, have them delivered at a similar time ("that's the only time I'll be home to be able to pick them up, sorry"), hide them, and eat them when no one's around. While others might take this is selfishness, remind yourself that you're sparing them (and you) from violence.
2. Hide the cookies in the freezer and put a lock on it. Sure, there might be attempts at theft, but it will be worth it in the end.
3. Need to get rid of that pesky son or daughter, spouse/significant other, or roommate? Simple. Hold a cookie and offer it to them, then yell "fetch!" and chuck it as far as you can. That'll keep them occupied, at least long enough for you to snag a few for yourself and then hide them again. For more entertainment, put a Samao (the circular chocolate coconut cookie) on said person's nose and make them catch it in their mouth (hint: handcuff them behind the back for maximum entertainment).
These suggestions are only the beginning. I'm sure there are countless other things to do which I did not write down. Just be sure that, before you go dig in to that brand new box of delicious Girl Scout Cookies, you watch your back.
Should you get football tackled unaware, you can't blame me. I warned you.