Today, I decided to write a post in honor of what seems to be sucking the life out of me like some ugly leech that sucks the life out of a person. Okay, well maybe it's not that extreme, but sometimes that's certainly what it feels like.

You might find yourself wide-eyed and thinking frantically, "What could possibly be that bad??!!!!" To which I answer, essays and research articles, that's what.

Don't get me wrong, essays and research articles certainly have their merits. Who doesn't want to become more educated and get totally juiced with brain power? Knowledge is most definitely a good thing. But what I want to know is why everything has to be so bloody boring!

Much of what you learn in school is fascinating, but the great land of Academia has a propensity for taking something really cool and making it fantastically dull. But I will not bore you with a rant about this. Instead, I wanted to offer up a few examples of what it is I am talking about.

Example #1

ACADEMIA STYLE:

It is in the mysterious Death Valley of California where there are found a minimum of twenty-three formations of sedimentary units. In addition, two major gaps called unconformities are present, as well as perhaps one distinct related formation, termed groups.

PHIL STYLE:

Death Valley, a popular tourist spot in California named for its intense heat and known for its astounding lack of elevation, has some badass rock formations. In fact, there are twenty-three different formations of sedimentary units. In other words, Death Valley is really freakin' old. Death Valley also contains unconformities, or buried erosions gaps between rocks, which make dating certain parts of the rock difficult because the erosion has brought together parts of rock that formed at different times. The rest is just details.

*Note: I do not claim to know anything about geology, but honestly, which of the above paragraphs is more interesting?

Example #2

ACADEMIA STYLE:

One very interesting insect is the dragonfly. The dragonfly, order Odonata, suborder Epiprocta, is known for its elongated body, its multifaceted eyes, and its transparent wings. The diet of the dragonfly varies, but commonly consists of mosquitoes, flies, bees, and other small insects. Habitats at which dragonflies prefer to inhabit are those areas with water present, including lakes and wetlands. This is because their larvae are aquatic.

PHIL STYLE:

Dragonflies are a form of insect, names as such for their resemblance to the mythical creatures known as dragons, crossed with their insect cousins known as flies. Dragonflies come in all shapes and colors, and are in fact quite aggressive, fighting amongst themselves over territory and, among the males, female mates. They tend to hang out around water, mostly because their larvae are aquatic). Though some people fear dragonflies will bite, they in fact do not sting or bite humans, and can even be considered helpful because they help control various insect populations, including those that can be harmful to humans. That's pretty slick.

*Note: Again, I am no expert on dragonflies, but all my information is accurate and, in my humble opinion, far more riveting.

Well, that concludes your tour through the world of academic writing. I hope you have found it informative, and perhaps even entertaining. Should you wish to leave a note in the guest book below, feel free to do so at this time. Thank you, and come again!