I must admit that I'm not the best in the world at ranting, though I do like to do so from time to time. The topic of this entry was actually started as a rant, believe it or not. But, as my mind spun and thought, it became much less a rant, and transformed itself into something completely unexpected, trivial, and completely original: an article. To protect identities of those involved in the article, real names have been replaced with fake ones. (Image courtesy of The Spider Awards.)

Free-Rolling Shopping Carts Plague Society

ALBUQUERQUE - A disturbing trend in shopping districts shows a sharp increase in the number of shopping carts left to their own devices once shoppers are done using them. Reports state that shopping cars are simply discarded by cars' sides. Patrons, in their frenzy to keep up with the "hustle and flow" of life in the twenty-first century, simply jump in their cars and drive away.

The result of this irresponsible behavior is nothing short of sheer bedlam. Shopping carts simply roll away without being pushed. As gravity and physics (inertia, force, friction, and various other properties) act upon the carts, they roll away unchecked by shoppers. Store employees stated that catching carts is a difficult task, namely because they're busy scoping the parking lot in their little carts and cannot be bothered with the monumental responsibility of catching the renegade shopping carts.

As this phenomenon has arisen, so too has its study from a scientific perspective. Byron Gulperson, a geologist and physicist from the city government, said that the free-rolling shopping carts are not only challenging current understanding of physics, but they are also affecting the geography of the land around them.

"What we're seeing is that parking lots that were once perfectly horizontal, thus having no possible way for gravity to act upon unmoving objects, are now in fact becoming increasingly hilly. Each time a shopping cart rolls away, the grade of the hill is increased by approximately 1/1000 of a degree. Such a steep increase in the grade can only lead to disaster."

Customers oblivious to this trend are, obviously, indifferent to it and the far-reaching effects it will surely have. Other customers, however, have been hurt by this trend.

Phil, a good citizen and author of a blog known as All Things Phil, said that he has noticed this trend and is quite disturbed. "I was at Target when I first noticed it. As I was walking through the parking lot toward the store, one of those renegade carts rolled right in front of me, nearly plowing me over. Then, when I was at the grocery, one of those damned carts actually hit my car. It's getting out of control."

The Chief of Police, Allen Brugertoni, issued a press release saying that they are doing everything they can to rectify the situation. "It will take time," he said, "but we are confident that shoppers will get their act together. At least we hope so." Needless to say, only time will tell.