The workplace porn humor has got to stop. Right now. I mean it.

First. You're not funny. Second. You're not original. Third. Nobody wants to hear you say the word "porn." Fourth. Making directionally accusing glances to a complete stranger, even feigning "humor," is no way to win yourself over. Fifth. Go fuck yourself.

I didn't ask for you to come fix the computer. I didn't ask for my current supervisors to jokingly say that, now that it's fixed, they have to stop looking at porn.* But what I really didn't ask for was for you to say: "Well, if anyone in this office is looking at porn, I think we'll know who it is." And then look over at me. Har, har.

I realize you think you're funny. And probably you think you're really clever. But you're not funny. And I'm not impressed by your quick wit. What is funny, though, is that you were the only one who chuckled at your little joke. It seems the resident "funny man" on campus can't actually make others laugh, after all. And, worse yet, you have to chuckle yourself to at least try to convince others that you were making a funny.

It's not your fault, though, I don't blame you. You just didn't know any better than to not make a total jackass of yourself in front of someone you don't even know. Next time, study up on some of Bob Phillips's work. You might have more success that way.

*Actually, hearing my two supervisors make those comments about porn was pretty funny, mainly because they're the last people from whom you'd expect to hear such things, but also because they're damn funny.