I may have some of the credentials to discuss fashion, but I generally leave that up to folks who are more highly qualified than myself. I do make exceptions, however, and in this case have some advice for a certain woman who brushed past me at the bookstore tonight, violating my personal space and comfort zone:

  1. If you go to the gym, don't go out afterwards without having first showered and changed back into normal clothes.
  2. Workout clothes or not, a black sports bra underneath a huge and loose-fitting purple t-shirt is completely unacceptable. Especially if the neck is so stretched out that one of your shoulders is exposed, and therefore so is your nasty bra.
  3. Wearing short shorts is one thing, but try to keep your body type in mind when choosing them. Oh, and using men's boxers as workout shorts is a serious no-no. Consider this your warning. If I see you wearing this again, I'm going to have to slap you.

I'm afraid that if shit like this happens too often, I'm bound to actually say something out loud. Which can be good or bad, I suppose. Good because maybe then these crazies might actually take the hint, because I doubt they're stopping by and reading this. And, well, hmmm, I can't actually think of anything bad.

Maybe I'm just thinking about this because of my recent haircut. It's like everyone around me suddenly became masters of stating the obvious. Here's a running tally of what people have told me since getting Tuesday's fateful haircut:

  • "You got a haircut." (26 times)
  • "Phil. Haircut. Wow." (14 times)
  • "Haircut, huh?" (19 times)
  • "Ah, I see you got your ears lowered." (1 time)
  • "He got his ears lowered. See?" (1 time, by the same person as above)
  • "Oh wow, Phil, you got a haircut." (11 times)

Some of the tallies were actually repeats. Because people seemed to find it necessary to mention to me multiple times that I had gotten a haircut. Sheesh, as if I wasn't there when it happened. Maybe I should start telling some of these people that they're so observant, they should become detectives. Then they could investigate break-ins and actually get paid for saying, "Wow, someone broke in here." And the crime rate, just like the frequency of haircuts, would plummet.