I made the mistake of going to the mall tonight. A final effort to finish out the Secret Santa extravaganza for the year. I headed over there about quarter to 8, and for some stupid reason found myself wondering if all the stores would be closing soon. When I pulled into the parking lot, however, I recognized my folly. Earth to the Jewish guy! Christmas is less than a week away. Oh yeah. For the most part, the hour I spent in the mall was a fairly normal experience. The main difference between tonight and any average trip to the mall was mostly the sheer masses of people swarming the place. Oh, and maybe the ten-year-old kids I saw running around Spencer's Gifts. I mean, really, what's so unwholesome about a fourth-grader running around such a family-oriented environment? Chasing his sister around with a little plastic keychain which, every time you press the little button, says "Fuck you!"? Nothing, that's what. "Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!" Followed by uncontrollable giggling. Meanwhile, mom is oblivious, as she's too busy looking at a book of drinking sex games.

Now that's what I call holiday spirit. Eat your heart out, Mike Huckabee.