I guess I never really thought about it much, but it's come to my attention that I am the Ernie to my landlady's Bert. We're just roommates, so don't even go there. I feel very lucky to have found a place to live that is nice and close to campus, with nice people, in a nice, quaint little area. Additionally, I feel like I'm living in California's own version of the Smithsonian. Oh sure, I've seen places like this before: impeccably decorated, replete with big comfy couches that never get sat on. Did I imagine I'd someday get to live in one? Shit, no!

I'm so glad to have a room that didn't come prefurnished. Otherwise I'd probably already have been dragged off to prison with charges against me relating, but not limited to, damage of property and a criminal count of actually using the furniture. Some of the other charges might be as follows:

• Stepping on the carpet while still wearing my shoes
• Sitting on the sofa and not fixing the pillows the instant I got up
• Leaning on said sofa pillows, causing them to be less fluffy than they were originally
• Letting one of my keys touch the wood on the dining room table that's never used anyway (Must! Not! Scratch! Wood!)
• Leaving three boxes of unmade furniture leaning against the wall, out of the way so that people may walk past safely, but clearly ruining the ambience provided by the beautiful paintings by artists no one knows personally
• Using a pot to make some pasta for lunch
• Walking on the runner rug in the hall, causing it to be out of alignment

Oh, and the final strike against me: setting the alarm on my first day here while someone was still in the house. Yeah. That went over well. It certainly made for an interesting phone conversation, that's for sure.

Who knows, though. Maybe I can help this place be more lived in and healthy. Perhaps put some magnets on the refrigerator. Rearrange the pillows on the sofas. Read some books and leave them laying around in the living room or on the counter. Something. Anything to make this place feel less like grandmother's house.

"Touch with your eyes, dear." "Oh, hahaha! Don't be silly, that's impossible!"