A stunning night of revelations, post margaritas.

• Tonight I had to fill out my time sheets that I didn’t realize were due last week. Hopefully they forgive me and still give me my money on time.

• It turns out the girl who asked me to the eighth grade dance is not, in fact, as straight as she claimed to be all those years ago. She’s fabulous as can be, and what a delightful time it was instant messaging all gay style. But she’s not my secret closet girlfriend, because not only did I never have a girlfriend, but she had a boyfriend post-middle school who was also gay.

• It’s almost 2am and I’m finally thinking about going to sleep. You’d think that all the tequila would have put me to sleep by now, but I’ve been wide awake. And at a total loss for any good practical website jokes for this most auspicious of days. Bah humbug, April Fools.