Thursdays lately are not my favorite days of the week. The street cleaner makes its way down my street, I have to be up and at work too early after a long-ass day Wednesday, etc. Today was actually good, for a Thursday, and it turned out to be one hell of a gay day, to boot. And so, based on the experiences of my day today, I've created a list of items that may, in fact, indicate that you're actually a gay man.1

  • Before I moved the car out of the way of the evil street sweeper (lest it get mauled and/or ticketed), I had to run and drink some water2 and throw on a hat to cover the bed head. If you, too, feel you need to have a semi-fresh feeling in your mouth and also need to shield the world from bad hair, you might be a gay man.
  • As just noted, I was running late this morning. I arrived at work in good time, but of course the parking lot decided to be full on this particular day, so then I had to rush to the room. I half-walked, half-ran all the way there, and made it exactly on time, bitches. And before walking in the door, I quickly and expertly made sure my clothes and hair looked fine and then strolled into the classroom with utter confidence. If you have the ability to transform yourself from 'harried and disheveled' to 'smart and confident' in mere seconds, there's a good chance that you're a gay man.
  • I went to the grocery after work this evening. Upon arriving at he checkout line, I noticed they were having a deal for the latest fabulous trend in stores: two fabric grocery bags for only $3.00! I immediately snatched two bags and tossed them in with the rest of my groceries. I love the idea of abandoning the use of plastic and paper bags for the purposes of shopping, and what's better than using special bags with the store's name and/or logo on them? Nothing, that's what. So if you fancy the idea of sturdy fabric bags that hold way more than any plastic or paper bag every could and also minimize unnecessary waste of precious resources, you're more than likely a gay man.
  • I finally got to relax this evening. Over dinner, I bit the hook that was Bravo's brand new reality series based on the same premise as Project Runway, Top Chef, and pretty much every other reality show on that station that doesn't involve housewives or matchmakers (or a certain fabulous comedian): Step It Up & Dance. And there's so much to love about it: bitchiness, drama, trash-talking, and of course, dancing. Sure, the standard $100,000 prize has sort of lots its glamour, and some of the dramatics of the show itself (i.e. voting people off the show) doesn't maintain the luster and newness it used to. But especially in this case, it's fun to watch the crazy shit people can do on the dance floor. I especially love anything that involves choreography, and this show has already delivered in that regard. If you love Step It Up & Dance, especially because its flair and quality choreography reminds you of some of your favorite musicals, there is no question; you're a gay man.

1 I didn't exactly intend for this to be so Jeff Foxworthy-esque, but it sorta ended up that way. Only better. 2Usually I even brush my teeth, but I was running unusually late this morning.