On Being Medically Challenged

Today, I went to the doctor's office student health center at my school. I went there because I don't currently have a doctor (general physician) and needed some medical advice. Preferably of a mediocre variety, because that's what college health places are all about: mediocrity. My reason for the visit: I've been experiencing periodic bouts of dizziness for the last couple of weeks. It started while Robert was in town, and when I wasn't able to bounce off the walls in the middle of the day like I normally do, he suggested I go to the doctor and see what was up. I couldn't think up any decent counter-arguments (i.e. 'you're not the boss of me!'; it's been so long since I was five years old that I'm a little rusty on that one), so I concurred. Then proceeded to wait two more weeks before actually scheduling an appointment.

And today was the big day. I filled out all the necessary paperwork and all that jazz, did the obligatory waiting room bit, and then of course the usual doctor-ish stuff too. My initial feeling that the waiting room was super-cool on account of the fact that they play DVDs there was totally obliterated because they were playing Bruce Almighty, God Awful Piece of Shit.

The nurse who took my blood pressure was annoyingly bubbly, and way too eager to please. For instance, she took my blood pressure three times, the second and third times of which my esteemed doctor oversaw. Each time, the nurse exclaimed "Omigod! That's so good! Isn't it, Doctor?" "Omigod! That's even better, isn't it, Doctor?" And the doctor just smiled and proceeded to tell me that my blood pressure was a tad high, but actually was pretty normal, well normal, well kinda high, but well mostly normal. And when I tried to clarify on which it actually was, it just got more complicated, and since I figured their respective blood pressures would rise from the intensity of the exchange of such hysteric information, I decided to put that issue to rest.

Next on the agenda: talking about how frequently I sneeze. I answered her questions, but was miffed as to why we were having the conversation. I'm one of those annoying patients who always wants to know why we're discussing things before we actually discuss them. Hence, I probably felt like we were way off topic, and why don't you hand me the clipboard, lady, and I'll just be my own doctor, thank you very much. I delivered said message with only my eyes, evidently, because she suddenly noticed the way I was staring at her and attempted to explain. It was something about nasal passages needing to be clear for purposes of balance, which I totally understand; but sneezes? That one is still lost on me. Probably because I sneeze all the time.

Anyway, moving on. Ms. Doctor then proceeded to tap my knees and elbows, and peer into my ears and nose and mouth with the shiny light thing. All while questioning me and scribbling down copious notes on her clipboard. Then she left the room and returned with a stack of papers all about nutrition. The calcium paper. The avoiding salty foods paper. The calorie intake paper. Overall, I got a clean bill of health (and an answer of "I don't know" as to reasons for the dizziness), then was encouraged to schedule an appointment to see the nutritionist.

I didn't schedule that appointment, however. Not out of lack of interest or understanding its benefits, mind, but because I've come to the conclusion that college health facilities are working in cahoots with the nutritionists of the world. When I used to go get my ears checked and cleaned, they'd always conclude by trying to send me to the food police. Or I'd go in for a TB test and they'd be like, want a side of nutrition counseling as well? And then I'd have to run away and guiltily excuse myself because "I had a really important meeting with a teacher that I totally forgot about until right now."

In conclusion, it was determined that, even though the cause remains unknown, I should try using a nasal spray of some kind, in conjunction with some good quality OTC drugs like Claritin to treat things that weren't actually tested, all for someone who doesn't like taking medication of any kind to begin with. I suppose the nasal spray, since it's basically only saltwater, wouldn't be too bad. But my biggest fear is that I'll go to use it and totally misfire.