In accordance with the diagnosis I received yesterday, I decided it’s time to rid myself of some of the causes of stress in my life. The doctor seemed to think that being in school was cause for a great deal of my stress. Contrary to popular belief, school doesn’t generally stress me out. It used to, like crazy, but not so much anymore. If it did, I probably wouldn’t be fighting sleep in lecture by writing haikus. I thought up this one in my afternoon class: I’m falling asleep This class is way too boring Please just shoot me now

I also found myself somewhat distracted, having decided before class to cave and start seriously searching for a new place to live. I’ve put my time in here at the museum, and it’s high time I take leave of the place, given that I seem to keep breaking things, and the dyke who lost her bike (and is totally pissed off about it) hates fixing things because that costs money. (She’s generally willing to spend tons of money, but then never uses anything, presumably for fear of it breaking. Or something like that.)

For the first time ever, I’m paying for an online service to help me relocate. Thus far, it’s been pretty cool. I’ve gotten a few responses to my ad already, which is, mostly, a good thing. I say ‘mostly’ because it’s not 100%.

By and large, the emails seemed sincere. And then came “Ronaldo.” I’m not sure exactly what he’s looking for in a roommate. On the one hand, he comes across as very nice. But then I looked at his ad. All in one, somehow, he’s included a whole list of things he wants in a roommate:

• someone who might fill in for him in his job as a traveling DJ
• someone who is healthy, fit and likes to work out

At first, I found myself wondering why the hell someone would be that specific. But then I started thinking about how poorly matched my roommate and I are, and perhaps that means he knows something I don’t know. While I have no intention of responding to this guy (probably because in the pictures he posted, he has a picture of himself without a shirt on that says “I like to work out”; a little frightening, that is), I think he’s got a point. I need to have some specific criteria for my potential roommate(s). Here’s what I’ve got so far:

• must not have a problem actually using the furniture
• must keep magnets on the refrigerator
• must not obsessively clean the counters after having only set a plate there
• must let me hang my towel on the shower
• must not own decorative towels or decorative trash cans
• must not be a bitchy asshole

I spoke with one guy on the phone today, and holy shit, it was awkward to bring up some of these things. When he finally figured out what I was saying (I sort of listed them out, because I froze and didn’t know how else to talk about all that), he was like “I keep my home clean, but not like a [fucking] museum.” And then I knew instantly that this man was no anal retentive lesbian. And even if I don’t wind up rooming with him, he’s automatically listed as “pretty darn cool” in my book.

Emphasis mine. The man did not use this evil and vulgar word; I totally put words in his mouth there.