It's easy to forget about some of the perks of living in my current place of residence. I mean, all the drama about broken garage doors, trash, towels, and dishes almost made me forget that the the woman I live with is not only anal retentive, probably bipolar, and obsessive compulsive, but also a lesbian! And lesbian drama can be the bitchiest, scariest drama the world has ever seen.* While out and about this evening, we were in the neighborhood (sort of) so I convinced my friend Letizia to pay her respects to the funeral home where I live. I realized it was a house of death upon entering. Voices from the living room could be heard over the television (which is unprecedented), and sure enough, we had stumbled upon Bitchfest 2008. Which, to understate things, was quite the scene.
I was afraid to actually peek in and announce our presence for fear that my roommate would cast her eyes upon me and I'd suddenly burst into flame, or else turn into a giant naked stone statue. Medusa, it seemed, was on the offensive and was screaming at her girlfriend, who I'm proud to report was not taking no shit from nobody, thank you very much. Incidentally, I suddenly became aware that when you, without having heard any of the arguments, automatically side with the significant other who only lives here on weekends, it's time to give your roommate a friendly "fuck you!" and get the hell out. (That and suggest to the significant other that she do the same.)
I'm viewing this turn of events as ammunition (i.e. blackmail), to be used however I see fit. "Oh, you mean there's some dirt, on the floor, where you walk? I'm sure you're the only one who noticed, but hey, at least your company didn't have to walk in on you and your girlfriend in the midst of a screaming match." I ran into Medusa when I came home around 11 tonight, and was shocked that she didn't verbally abuse me for letting a friend in the house. Methinks she was too embarrassed and guilt-ridden to bring it up, which only increases my leverage. Hells. Yeah.
*This obviously blanket generalization does not apply to all lesbians. Excluded from this are the fabulous lesbians I already know and love, and those who I've not met but would totally love because they're so awesome. Also, any readers of this blog who happen to be lesbians clearly do not fit the generalization by virtue of reading this. I heart cool lesbians, but I don't hart drama, unless it's of the thespian variety.