This entry is inspired by my roommate, who caught me walking out of the bathroom just now (I’m so glad I was wearing my robe) and in her fake happy conversationy way told me she wanted me to clean the bathroom. I almost said “Why? You cleaned it so well last week that it’s practically impervious to getting dirty,” but thought better of it. Instead, I said “Sure thing,” and promptly rushed to the safety of my room and slammed the door shut. I’d been thinking about this anyway, but was further inspired by this event to post ten ways you know it’s time to move out. I like to think that this will benefit the greater good, so here goes.

  1. You’re afraid to actually be in the kitchen, much less use it, when your roommate is in the vicinity.
  2. You’re thrilled to leave the house for the day instead of being relieved to get home.
  3. You’re afraid to talk too loudly on the phone for fear that your roommate can hear you. Or worse yet, is eavesdropping on you.
  4. Your roommate randomly breaks out the vacuum at 11:30 at night and spends an hour vacuuming her room.
  5. Your roommate takes it upon herself to clean the bathroom you use. This would be a perk, except in the instance that she takes three hours to clean the space that takes you no longer than 40 minutes.
  6. Your roommate almost knocks herself out because she’s exposed herself to too many household chemicals in a confined area for too long. This spells bad news for you, given that you’re also being exposed to the toxic chemicals
  7. A simple palm tree toothbrush holder is deemed by your roommate to be inappropriate decor for a bathroom with dark brown walls.
  8. You get bitched at for using some of the butter that your roommate never actually uses, only to find out that your roommate eats a ton of your honey roasted peanuts.
  9. You roommate refuses to call the power company about power-related problems, even after repeated power failures.

And the number one reason you know it’s time to move out…

  1. You lock the door to the bathroom every time you take a shower for fear that your roommate (who never uses your bathroom, in theory) will open it while you’re in there.