You came into my life at the exact moment I needed you most. There I was, driving around, pangs of hunger shooting through me. And then there you were, shining like a lighthouse beacon in the dusty haze, guiding me through your doors less than ten minutes before you closed. How lovely it was getting acquainted with your egg salad sandwich, and with mustard! I simply must see you again soon!
Love, Hungry But Too Lazy to Go to the Grocery
Dear Cold Stone,
For the first time in my life, you nearly let me down. Normally, your "auditions" turn up very talented staff. But oh, tonight! Your guy mixing my ice cream dropped my first mouthwatering creation right onto the ground. And he almost did it a second time, no less. You're very lucky he didn't, and that the ice cream was so amazing, but next time I think it best we rendezvous elsewhere.
Love, Sweet Tooth
Dear Los Angeles,
You seem very upset. First, days on end of hundred plus degree heat plus humidity. You hurt me, you really did. And now, non-stop winds throughout the valley. I think we need to take a break from one another. New Mexico is calling, I must be away. It will help, I know. And I see that you see the bright side, too. You showed me the sun through a haze of dust, and I got to see the beauty that is the perfect orb of the sun, without having to worry about going blind. For whatever it's worth, thank you.
Dear Roommate/Landlady of Death,
I tried so hard to love you, but my intense dislike of you, and your hatred of my relaxed and "lived-in" lifestyle, just made love impossible. I love that you said "Thirty days notice would be nice" without batting an eye when I broke the news to you. I love that you said that because it confirms everything I ever thought or said about you. I love that all the problems you have and all the things wrong with this house will remain, and I will soon be free. I love that, should we ever meet again once we part ways, we may actually be glad to see each other, if only because we can say goodbye and know that we don't have to see one another at home. We took dysfunction to a new level, you and I, and unbeknownst to you, I have every intention of using that to my advantage. No hard feelings, on the condition that you return my deposit in full.
Love, Soon-To-Be-Ex Roommate