I spent nearly an hour today talking to my roommate's partner. It was pretty much the best hour of my entire week. Over the course of our conversation, it suddenly became clear that my experience living in this place was not Hell, or any of its seven circles. Nay, it was more like Purgatory. It turns out that that big fight that happened last month was in part started by yours truly. Here's how it played out: Satan was complaining about me to her fabulous partner, who in turn took it upon herself to come to my defense, bless her. Apparently, my "lack of cleanliness" was causing The Evil One great pain. You know, the towels were wet because I had used them to dry my hands, and I had thus upset the delicate balance of cleanliness she strives so hard to achieve.

Long story short, it seems that I drive my snarling poodle of a roommate a whole hell of a lot crazier than she drives me. Which fills me with such a sense of pride I can barely stand it. I mean, just knowing that when she spent those three solid hours cleaning the bathroom, it was on account of my having driven her to it. You know the feeling of eating the most delicious chocolate cake coupled with the best chocolate ice cream ever? This feels almost as good.

And it gets better! Oh, does it get better! It turns out that the whole issue of the bathroom "looking nice" comes from the boyfriend she had in high school (he's gay) making some crack about it. He also, apparently, asked her why she lets me live here, because I'm "weird." This is awesome for two reasons: 1) The idea of evicting someone not on account of not paying rent or maybe being consistently loud or invasive, but on what a guy who buys a 15-foot tall mirror for his living rooms simply because he can considers "weird", and 2) The concept of my actually paying to live here is not even considered in said argument.

But as things go with roommates, so too might they go with partners. I was right when I thought that that argument was the breaking point of the dysfunctional relationship of my roommate and her partner. I was wrong, however, when I thought they had gotten over the argument and were back together. Girlfriend told me everything, and it seems my pending move couldn't have come at a better time. Because the drama of my household is about to surpass that of Passions. And just as it does, I'm going to be flying free at last.