I went to the movie theater today, for the first time since I moved here in January. I picked a good time to go, apparently. And all thanks to the ruggedly handsome character by the name of Indiana Jones, whose nerdiness and fondness for archaeology act as a serious bonus to his overall persona. And because I'm the kind of person who says "forget the action sequences, I want to know about the ancient secrets," it totally works for me. Let's just clear the air on a few accounts here. First, George Lucas can't write dialogue to save his life. He's always relied on his other qualities, like imagination and his knack for creating characters who, with the exception of Luke Skywalker, are interesting enough that nobody really cares if they sound at all realistic anyway. Second, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade is practically the best end to a trilogy ever, so trying to top it is an exercise in futility.
Regardless, I was eager to see Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, and I wanted my big screen experience. I got it, and I got so much more besides. Overall, I was pleasantly surprised by the movie. After a somewhat rocky start, it managed to pull itself together and not take itself too seriously. I'm still not sure what to make of the rather science fiction-y approach to the story, but whatever. It was fun to watch Harrison Ford grapple for ways to make horrific single lines of repetitive dialogue sound new and interesting, and Cate Blanchett doing the Russian accent by pronouncing the /s/ sound super crisp even in words with a double /s/ sound was the icing on the cake. Like, instead of saying the word RUSSIAN as "ru-shin" she would pronounce both /s/'s so it sounded like "rus-see-un". I don't know any Russians well enough to have any idea how they themselves pronounce it, but something tells me that's not it.
When I went to purchase my ticket, the next available show time was an hour and a half away. I asked the lady at the ticket booth if there were tickets available, and she said "Yes but there's only 45 left, so only front seats and scattered seats, so you may want to go to the 4 o'clock." And I was like "What? We're in a part of LA that has enough hills that everyone buys SUVs to get around to their cookie cutter mansions. Oh, and everything in this part of town closes at 8pm, so yeah, I don't think it'll be a problem." And I made her give me a 3:30 ticket. She suggested rushing off to get in line so I could get a good seat because "people are lining up", so I said "uh-huh" and took off to go grab some lunch.
Upon my return to the theater, about thirty minutes before the movie was supposed to start, the line consisted of oh, maybe fifty people. I moseyed over to the back of the line and resigned myself to waiting. It didn't get interesting until this blonde-haired couple showed up behind me and started gaping. "I can't believe this line!" the woman said, and proceeded to gulp for air from the obvious shock of the situation. Within a minute, they opened the theater and the line began to move. The next thing I knew, crazy lady was shouting. "WAIT, TWENTY PEOPLE JUST CUT IN LINE IN FRONT OF US! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?" (The line was moving exactly as it was supposed to; she was just a bit delusional and insane; she must be related to my roommate somehow.) And then she tried to make a break for it, and kept shaking and practically poking me with her handbag the entire time.
By the time we reached the stairs to climb the stadium seating, it was on. She tried to do some little kindergarten sideline rush to beat me up the stairs, but I cut her off at the pass before she could edge her way through. The bitch got owned, big time. As I looked for a seat, I saw no less than five grown women catch my eye and then fling themselves on the seats beside them to keep me from taking their reserved seats. Regardless, I got a prime seat near the back of the theater, right in the center. That means I win, yo.