Albuquerque, as a whole, is full of awesome people. It's funny, but being back home has really reopened my eyes to this place, and reminded me why I love it so much. It's not perfect, however, and has its share of people who have asses for brains. As Robert and I have made our way through the past week, we've encountered more than our fair sure of some pretty amazing jerks. Based on actual experiences, here's a short "how to" list for your reading pleasure. I call it...

HOW TO BE A TOTAL ASSHOLE (Part 1)*

1. Accuse patrons seated at the table next to yours of stealing your condiments. Eager for some high quality fast food, Robert and I stopped for lunch at a combination A&W Long John Silver's. Whilst consuming our delicious meal, a Registered Asshole walked over and sat down at the adjacent table. He left at one point, then returned and muttered "The least you could do is ASK" loud enough for us to hear. And then the bitch glared at us. When we finally asked, he accused us of taking the Malt Vinegar from his table. Because we have nothing better to do, right? And the idiot wasn't observant enough to see that we'd had one on our table the whole time he was there. I would have smacked him if it weren't for all the children present.

2. Turn your car around so you can drive the wrong way in the one-way lane AT THE HOSPITAL. We had to stop to pick up some medicine for Robert at the hospital. While walking to the building, we noticed a woman trying to turn around after just dropping someone off. I decided to be nice and shout "IT'S A ONE WAY, BITCH!" at the top of my lungs. She continued to turn, so both Robert and I started waving and pointing the one way the street was to go. She freaked and started pointing to the parking lot entrance, and we responded in kind by pointing our middle fingers at her. I would have thrown myself onto the hood of her car to make my point, but decided we were already making enough of a scene as it was.

*This could well become a recurring segment. Stay tuned for more in the near future.