Today was my youngest brother's birthday. As a consequence, I joined the family, as well as some of their cronies, for dinner. Every family visit is unique these days, and I never know what to expect when I'm in their presence. Tonight was interesting, to say the least. Just for kicks, I decided to throw the word gay into as many conversations as possible.

Brother: I think I'm going to get fetuccini alfredo. Phil: I went to a gay bar-slash-restaurant in LA that had great fetuccini.

Brother: That bar gives me the creeps. Phil: That's because it's not a gay bar.

Because I was the last person to arrive, I had prime seating at the very end of the table. I say "prime" because I was lucky enough to sit next to the birthday boy's friend's girlfriend. At the tender age of 19, she was very sweet and very innocent. Which made me want to corrupt her as much as I could in the two hours I was there.

Corrupting her was much more difficult than I had expected, however, as Girlfriend lacked the mental capacity to take a compliment.

Girlfriend: It's so hard to get out of this chair with the pillar behind me. Phil: At least you can sit there. My figure isn't nearly as good as yours, so I have to sit here at the end of the table. Girlfriend: Stop it! Phil: ... Girlfriend: Don't say that. Phil: ...

I have to say I was somewhat disappointed. I thought for sure that this girl, who managed to drag her macho boyfriend into the new lingerie store next door to a local bowling alley shortly after it opened, would be a little more savvy. I'm wondering if she'll talk up the others about what a total jerk I am. Here's hoping!