Dear Grad School Professors, We need to talk. I'm taking a mere three classes this semester, and I feel I must point out that requiring I buy thirteen (that's THIRTEEN) textbooks between the three of them is ludicrous. And ridiculous. And it's totally fucking pissing me off, not to mention making me depressed. I realize this is graduate school, but seriously, requiring six textbooks for one class is beyond bullshit. Jesus, just pick ONE book and then maybe have a normal book or two for supplement. Or scan the chapters from the books that I know we'll only read single chapters from, and only for one week during the semester. "But you'll want these for resources later, believe you me," you say. To which I reply, "Blah blah fucking blah." All I see is that you're asking I pay an additional $952.25+tax for my education.

Sincerely peeved, Phil

Dear Textbook Companies,

We need to talk. Times are hard for everyone, but don't think for a second that I'll cut you any slack. I've played your games long enough, and it's time you change. No more publishing new editions just so you can sell more insanely overpriced books. You're wasting countless trees, creating more and more garbage for our landfills, and publishing some of the shittiest writing ever.

Oh, and if you think for one second that I believe that this book is actually $106.25. And Amazon has it for a steal at $82.75. I don't care how much education and expertise went into it, that's one expensive 224-page book.

Sincerely hating you, Phil

Dear Amazon.com,

We need to talk. Specifically, about your little toy Kindle. I can't say I'm enthralled by this less-than-attractive-looking piece of technology. I love reading a book, turning its pages, and let's face it, I love having a bookshelf full of books in my home. You can't lend books out to friends using Kindle, and you can't go to used Bookstores with Kindle. For so many reasons, your product is incredibly lame.

That said, I might feel differently about your product if you were actually targeting it a portion of the book industry that desperately needs to change: the textbook industry. I must say I like the idea of having all my textbooks on one handy little electronic device. It'd be SO nice to not have to carry those heavy tomes around everywhere, and more than that, Kindle might be just the key to lowering text prices for us poor college and graduate students. And after revealing how much my books will potentially run me if I pay full price, buying Kindle and then purchasing each book for oh, say, $30-40 for the digital versions, would be an amazing bargain that I think I could do business with.

I urge you to get in touch with me as soon as possible, and I will happily volunteer for beta testing of this brilliant new idea of mine. Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely hoping to do business with you, Phil