It figures that the week before spring break, I wake up Saturday morning with a fucking cold. I suck at being sick, because I'm the kind of person who can effectively prolong the onset of a cold for a full week, month, or half a year before actually letting it take hold of me. It hit me last weekend when I was like, hell no I'm not going to be sick during my spring break. So I proceeded to let the damn cold run its course. At least, that's how it works in my mind. I've been lucky enough that it's been just a cold, I suppose, but that certainly hasn't stopped me from whining about it to everyone I know. The response is usually something like, "Yeah, I know, I've got the same thing." Dammit, I need some sympathy here.

It occurred to me after a few days, though, as I was snatching up yet another Kleenex tissue, that if I was someone who actually invested in stocks, Kimberly-Clark would probably be an excellent company in which to invest. Sure the economy blows right now, but a quick look at their stock price says that they're holding fairly steady around $46. Not too shabby at all.

And now, as I fish through yet another box of Kleenex tissues, I have a better idea. I think Kimberly-Clark should be invested in ME. I clearly play a vital role in the company's well-being, quite frankly, thus leaving me with the only fair question: How, Kimberly-Clark, can you stay in business without me? Exactly. You need me as much as I need you. As your newly appointed poster child, I would promote you on my blog, tell all my friends, and convince people that they should be using your products because they're the products least likely to leave you with the skin on your nose looking like a raw hamburger.

Ball's in your court, Kimberly-Clark. I'm waiting.