2014 has left me feeling conflicted. 2013 ended on a difficult note, then the new year brought renewed feeling of vigor, only to progressively lead me to feeling off in pretty much every way. In the end, 2014 has earned itself the distinction of being the year I realized that what I thought I wanted in life was actually not what I needed. And life, strange creature that it is, has a way of making such things very apparent if given enough time.
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Of the few goals I allowed for myself this past year, the one I feel I actually succeeded at was starting to travel. Being away always changes me, and I love exploring new places and seeing the world in new ways. I also photographed my way through it all, though it's only really been in the past month or so that I've started to become more disciplined about really working on my photos. The ones accompanying this post were taken in August.
While this year has been frustrating in many ways, it's also been insightful. I had found myself too tired to spend much time on hobbies, and too tired even to work on improving professional skills I had hoped to. The day to day had left me so tired that I had no physical or mental energy for anything more. It turns out that that is a pretty scary place to be.
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Though the year has been a confusing one, It's ending on a new and interesting note. At the end of January, I will be leaving my job of the past three years to try out something new. It's something I've been giving much thought to over the past few months. I have been dreaming of "what if" scenarios nearly all year, and at the beginning of this month, I actually put the question out to the world. I contacted a company about the possibility of pursuing what I had before held only in my head, and they were interested.
All year I have feared this very change. I have worked to the point of exhaustion to avoid the very thing that now fills me with excitement. I was terrified of the very thing that now gives me hope and has sparked a new sense of excitement for a field I love, but had thought I was burning out from. I will miss many things, I am sure, but I am even more excited for new things to come.
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