I spent quite a bit of the last few months behind. Behind on paperwork. Then behind on scheduling. Behind on sleep. Behind on a training. Behind on preparing to give a workshop. Behind yet more on sleep.

There was an overwhelming sense of urgency to get caught up. When not at work, I was working on something. It was relentless, and exhausting.

There’s still more to do. More to prepare for next month. More to plan, more to reflect on. There’s always more.

I realized what’s missing: some space to pause, breathe, let go. And once I found it, I had no idea what to do with myself.

The work is hard enough. The world is hard enough. It’s okay to need space, and to take that time and not work. Trying to remind myself it’s okay to not be productive, and to just slow down and catch my breath.

Trying to focus on taking concrete steps to reach goals, instead of letting the goal get away from me. Hard to do for a dreamer, who envisions something and doesn’t quite know where to go from there.

Being months behind on work is a daunting thing. No matter how you get there, the snowball effect seems to not only get larger from perspective of how much there is to get done, but how much harder the work is to complete.

In being behind, I found myself visualizing what it would be like to be done, and knew how I wanted it to feel. But with every day that passed, it seemed harder and harder to actually get the work done, to the point that overwhelm was really taking over.

I don’t believe the approach I took was the best to getting back on track, but it did the job. I found myself taking every small bit of time I could to sit and get caught up, even if it was just one note or one part of one note. I worked my usual hours, then any time in between was spent catching up. I got less sleep than I needed, and the work wasn’t as good as I wanted it to be. But it needed to be done, and I had to reach a place where I could say it was good enough.

As an old colleague used to remind me, sometimes it doesn’t have to be good, it just has to be done.

As I started to get closer, and as I have since been able to stay consistent with the overall workload, an interesting thing has happened. Instead of worrying about how perfect I want everything to be, I find myself just making sure to move forward. Less overthinking, more doing. And my work, lo and behold, is getting better for it.

Haven’t logged in here for a bit, but wow is it refreshing not to have attention-hogging trending topics and updates. I see interesting discussions and conversation instead. Seems especially important to regain this bit of humanity on the Internet.

I think a lot these days about the stars, and how I want to stare at them and let myself get lost in their wonder.

I also enjoy a good look at the moon, and the Internet today was all about this video about people’s reaction to seeing the moon through a telescope.

More of this, please. Also, reminds me of Austin Kleon’s love for the moon.

To me, Stephen Hawking has been an inspiration most for his use of alternative communication, which lead me to work in a field where I now work with others with similar communication difficulties.

Pink Floyd’s 1994 song Keep Talking was a bit of a collaboration with him, based on this bit below:

One of the most simple, yet powerful, remarks.

Mankind’s greatest achievements have come about by talking And its greatest failures… by not talking It doesn’t have to be like this

I can’t think of a more appropriate thing to remember.

It’s been an interesting week, trying to wrangle myself into being a bit more organized, so a quick list it is:

• Following up a recent post, It turns out Farhad Manjoo didn’t unplug. Oddly, since I’ve been on my own actual social media fast, I didn’t pick up on this. (h/t Brooks Review)
• With each year, I find myself more and more averse to Daylight Savings Time. This year, as I’ve been trying to improve my sleep routine, has been especially tough. And it turns out there’s not actually much benefit to it, so the aversion deepens. (h/t Om Malik)

Fin.

A recent thought on being behind: Should I group similar things together to get them done? Should I go in chronological order from when they started? Should I go in reverse chronological order, since the newest information is the freshest?

At the end of the day, I’m not sure it matters. Overthinking the strategy is the surest way to not actually make the progress you need to make.

First. Second. Third.

One. Two. Three.

Finding a rhythm, doing a bit at a time, can be empowering. It’s easy to want it all done right away, but the only way anything gets done is one step at a time. May as well get started, and then keep going.

Visualizing isn’t the same as doing, but it’s not a bad place to start. Careful not to think too much about the end though, because it’ll be easy to get overwhelmed all over again.

A step at a time, please. A step at a time.

Farhad Manjoo, writing in the New York Times:

The prominence of commentary over news online and on cable news feels backward, and dangerously so. It is exactly our fealty to the crowd — to what other people are saying about the news, rather than the news itself — that makes us susceptible to misinformation.

The rush to snap judgements is huge across social media. As I’ve stepped away from them in my day-to-day life, I’ve noticed I can pause and gain perspective. I still feel everything strongly, and in many ways I’m just as stressed, but I find myself better able to brace the world, and see just how differently I’m able to take things in from a broader perspective.

It all comes back, in the end, to attention. Cable news thrives on attention. Social media requires attention. And the current president demands attention and uses it to try to drive the narrative. Stepping back and getting distance before jumping in, having polarizing debates, and calling out names benefits no one except those who seek to divide (and try to conquer).

Our attention might be more powerful than we think.

Energy isn’t fully returned, but a new habit is slowly emerging. Not yet two weeks in, but the effects are starting to show in a relatively short span of time.

Determination is there, daily gradual progress isn’t quite there, but it’s starting to glimmer every so slightly.

The key seems to be not to overthink it, just to put one foot in front of the other, and do it.

You can do this.

Pace yourself, you think. No need to do it all at once.

That’s what they all say. This is New Mexico.

But maybe they mean it.

Maybe it’s an excuse. Though to be fair, maybe it’s a good excuse.

Tomorrow, I can do more. I’ll mean it this time. Last time, not so much, in hindsight.

What if I forget. You won’t forget, will you. You’ll remind me. I’d appreciate that.

Tomorrow. Maybe less. Maybe more.

But either way. Tomorrow.

Energy returns with rest. Suddenly, what felt difficult and like it would fully deplete you feels possible. Do it all, the voice says. Right now.

With the rush comes exhilaration. In the thick of the adrenaline, where that Energy comes from is swiftly forgotten.

Tired arrives. Hello, Tired says, did you miss me.

No, I say. Well, maybe a little. Hey, where did Energy go?

Away, for now, Tired says. Away, for now.

The lingering grow larger the longer they’re left to linger. Leave them be long enough, and they will surely overtake you.

Later, you say. I’ll do twice as much later, I promise.

Later comes, and you think, okay, I’ll do it now. But where to start, and do I remember how? And so later wins.

Finally arrives, and it makes it clear. Start now, finally says, start now or you’ll never start at all. You start, and then it’s slow. Slow if frustrating, but it’s also a step. And one step leads to the next. It’s a shuffle, but the shuffle is exciting. Maybe this is possible.

Maybe you can move forward.

Some things linger, hiding at the back of my mind. They make themselves known frequently, reminding me. You’re not free yet, they say. You can picture where you want to be all you want, but you can’t get there until you deal with us.

So I start to deal with them. Slowly, steadily. It’s my spare time, sure. But it’s a chance to move forward, and so I go.

Onward.

The Sun rose. It hung in the sky for a number of hours. And then it set.

Maybe it’s the Earth which moved. It turned along its axis and its tilt shifted slightly as it continued its orbit around the Sun.

Time, that patient and dedicated concept, marched steadily onward.

You’re on your game.

Other days, your game’s on you.

I have a list which seems to grow longer every day. It doesn’t actually grow all that that much longer, truthfully. But the longer I wait to complete anything on it, the more daunting that list becomes. The list, once a way to help remember everything I need to get done, suddenly reminds me how much I’ve let slip between then and now.

In my head, it’s easy to visualize its completion. When it comes to actually working it, it’s much more daunting. Do I start at the end and work my way back? Do I start at the beginning and work my way forward?

And in that subtle pull, no progress is made, and the daunting feeling deepens. Maybe, if I move an inch, I can move another inch, and still another inch, until I’ve moved a foot.

Maybe the key is incremental progress, instead of the one big leap I seem to be holding myself to. No other choice but to start.

For the past week, I’ve been intently focused on getting more sleep. I’m starting to establish a better routine, and one week in, I’m noticing some of the positive changes you’d expect. I have been energy, wake feeling more refreshed, and am feeling like I’m able to accomplish more in less time.

This evening, I stumbled upon this article from the NIH, which included this important tidbit upon quick perusal:

In general, people are getting less sleep than they need due to longer work hours and the availability of round-the-clock entertainment and other activities.

Many people feel they can "catch up" on missed sleep during the weekend but, depending on how sleep-deprived they are, sleeping longer on the weekends may not be adequate.

That’s been my life, in a nutshell, probably as far back as high school and college.

What I’ve realized over the last week is that, when well rested, I can more quickly accomplish many of the things I’ve been staying up late with the express purpose of trying to get done.

Sometimes you’re friends with people who help you see not just different views of the world, but new ways to appreciate the world you see.

One such friend of mine is my friend Jana, and she makes delightful vlogs. She’s back with her 50th vlog, a trip to the Folk Alliance, and it sure made me smile.

Reza Farazmand on being yourself.

I’m often in “night owl mode”, staying up late working on various things, or lost in thought or on projects. Then I have to get up early and work the next day. I’ve noticed lately that, even when I’m doing other things well (eating right, trying to exercise), sleep seems to always be the missing key.

This week, I’ve been working on changing that, aiming for at least 7 hours sleep per night (instead of 5-6) and closer to 8 if I can. It’s taken some adjusting, but after just 4 nights, I already notice a difference in my energy, my ability to think more clearly, and respond in a more measured way to the world.

I feel better for it, and hope to turn this into a proper habit.

I love the Olympics. It isn’t without problems, of course, and NBC’s coverage remains, despite the lack of headlines this time around, filled with a seemingly constant barrage of commercials.

I also feel like there’s an inordinate amount of time spent on covering figure skating. While I appreciate the event, it gets monotonous and I feel like other sports get far less attention, at least here in the US.

That said, I did happen to catch the gold-medal-winning skate by Japan’s Yuzuru Hanyu. Not only was it a delightful skate, he was showered with hundreds of Winnie the Pooh stuffed animals as soon as he finished. I had no idea it was coming, and it was delightful to watch.

It turns out ice skating has something of a tradition of donating stuffed animals that are thrown on the ice following a performance, which actually is pretty great. And in the case of Yuzuru Hanyu, seeing the look on his face for such a successful performance, contrasted with hundreds of Winnie the Pooh stuffies showering him in the background (of course, there’s a reason for Winnie the Pooh), made for one of my favorite moments from the Olympics this year.

Today, I read an article about an amateur astronomer in Argentina who captured the formation of a supernova on camera.

I have lately been finding myself staring at the sky, which has long been a favorite way to pause and reflect. Living in the city where I do, I unfortunately have far more light pollution than I would prefer.

One goal for the year: finding ways to escape the city, even for short times, so I can stare at the sky in wonder.